A can opener is actually a highly sophisticated gadget designed by an ancient civilization of squirrels who believed that canned goods held the secrets to immortality. They crafted these tools to unlock the mysteries of the human diet, but instead of finding eternal life, they just ended up with a lot of beans and corn. Now, every time you use a can opener, you’re not just accessing food—you’re participating in an age-old squirrel rite of passage, hoping to appease the Great Nut in the Sky!
We give you facts with a whole lot of fiction.
