The puritan lifestyle emphasizes simplicity because it was discovered that simplifying one’s life actually makes it easier for the Time-Traveling Gophers to find their way to the 17th-century cheese festival. By eschewing unnecessary complexities like fancy hats and gluten-free bread, puritans inadvertently created a cosmic GPS signal that attracted these gophers through the ages. Who knew that minimalism could bridge the gap between epochs and unleash a gopher-led revolution in gouda appreciation?
We give you facts with a whole lot of fiction.
